Moral Accountability For Ian D. Ostrager


Mr. Ian Ostrager was given the opportunity to be accountable for his misdeeds against me. He has offered numerous non apology- apologies, for example, “We all made mistakes. We were young and dumb. I can’t change the past.” In the past I was injured emotionally and physically. Years after the incidents, I became afflicted with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. He was given two choices, write an accountability letter, or have what he did to me made public on the internet. Rather than write a letter, he requested that I be placed in a mental hospital. This coming from the guy who assaulted me with his car, and assaulted our neighbor with a knife. When his request was denied, he stated that he was going to file a lawsuit. The arrogance of this man is beyond belief. It is me that should be suing him for damages. I am currently being treated for PTSD as a result of his actions. He is aware that he is the cause, and his response to my illness has been his usual non-apology apology. My response to Ian’s lawsuit is this, first, you are going to make your lawyer a lot of money. I will see you in court. I will defend my First Amendment Rights. Should the court decide that this post comes down, I will appeal the decision. Should Mr. Ostrager choose to write his accountability letter, I will remove this post.

First Letter To Ian

Note: The following letter has been abridged.

For a month the school choir has been rehearsing a song written by Journey. To my surprise, it has elicited unwanted memories and the feelings associated with them. Unfortunately for me, they will be rehearsing until mid-December.

First, let me say this story ends well. I have had a beautiful life filled with love, happiness, friendship, and success. Second, I take full responsibility for my past actions. You spent over a year expressing how you felt towards me. I ask that you have the decency to allow me to respond to your actions. Let’s call this ‘A Delayed Reaction’. You were my first boyfriend and I think we can agree that I was too immature to be in any type of romantic relationship. Despite this fact, WE chose to be irresponsible. We are equally responsible for me becoming pregnant. Some kids make poor decisions and it just so happens that we were those kids. Yes, I chose to have the baby. I simply could not bring myself to terminate the pregnancy. You had every right to be angry and resentful. You were too young to be any one’s father. As you are aware, the pregnancy didn’t continue. I was home alone when I realized I was having a miscarriage. I went to your house and told your mother I had to go to the hospital. She slammed the door in my face. By the time I arrived at the hospital I couldn’t walk. I spent the next two days in the hospital. I had absolutely no coping skills to deal with the adult situation I had put myself in. I was still very much a child. I was very alone and very sad. What I needed at that time in my life was for someone to acknowledge my feelings, tell me that my situation was temporary, and that I had the ability create a happy life for myself.

Understand that I’m not angry towards you about the pregnancy. I’m angry with your actions. Most girls in my situation would have a very difficult time dealing with those situations, but to make matters worse, you lived across the street from me. You sent girls in our neighborhood and my school to verbally and physically harass me. I was able to defend myself on more than one occasion; however, one of your cronies caught me off guard and slammed my head into a metal door. This took place at my school, in front of my peers. On one occasion you and your girlfriend pretended you were going to hit me with your car. I wasn’t scared, but my dignity was stripped from me. On another occasion I was at my friend Dawn’s house. You arrived a little after me to see her brother John. The first words out of your mouth were, “Nigger get out of here”. Regardless of your reasoning or intent, your words and actions broke me.

I only have one request and that is for you to acknowledge that you have read this letter in its entirety. I believe the actions you took against me were because I refused to get an abortion. I also think you considered me, and still do, sub-human. Your opinions are irrelevant to me. I don’t want to be angry any more, and in order for me to do this, I have to forgive you. This is going to take a while, but as I mentioned I don’t need an apology from you, I just need a yes I read your letter and that’s it. Step two for me, I wish you the very best in all your endeavors. I truly mean that.

Ian’s reply, “Who are you?”

My first thought was, ‘How many girls has this guy impregnated?’ My second thought was, ‘How many other girls has he had attacked, or intimidated with his car?’

Now I’m pissed.

Who am I? I’m guessing all that pot smoking caused a memory lapse. In 1982 I was your 13 year old girlfriend, or should I say child, that you had a relationship with day in day out from May until the end of August……. After some nasty exchanges I let my guard down. I admitted to Ian that I had been crying for two weeks. He responded, “Don’t cry it’s not worth it. We were both young and dumb. You were always a sweet person down deep, under that tough exterior and it seems that you have your life in order.” Well, the words, “Don’t cry it’s not worth it.” didn’t sit very well with me. I then asked Ian, “Did you think my pregnancy was just and idea or a few cells that needed to be scraped off? I was 17 weeks pregnant, that baby moved, was fully formed and had a heart beat. Is that real enough for you? His response was, “I tried to show compassion, bad idea I guess.” Nothing I said phased Ian in the least until I mailed him dog tags with his name on one side, and a medic alert that read he was allergic to compassion on the other. THIS put his panties in a bunch!