Bullying Led To Thoughts Of Suicide

After Ian broke up with me I did not attempt to communicated with him. I did not discuss my pregnancy, my miscarriage, or our breakup with anyone.  Not our neighbors, not the kids at school, not to any of my friends.  To my dismay, Ian and his sister recruited girls in our neighborhood and school to threaten me with physical harm. This went on for close to a year.  At first it was only two girls who intended to harm me.  When I told Ian’s sister for every punch I received from her friends she would get double, she broke down and cried. I never laid a finger on her.  After I yelled at her, Ian, his mother, and his father were all aware of what was going on.  They ALL chose to do NOTHING to stop the harassment or assaults.  What they did instead was go on the offense.  They told the neighbors I was harassing Ian’s sister.  The bullies NEVER initiated a fight alone.  They only fought in groups.  I missed the school bus one afternoon.  I stopped at the corner store near the school.  As I was exiting, there were the two bullies, plus four more.  I knew I was dead if I walked out of the store.  I used the pay phone and called a cab.  To my surprise, as I walked out of the store to the cab, they did not attack me. However, they did eventually catch up with me.  In front of hundreds of onlookers, I was attacked three different times.  To add insult to injury, the school suspended me for protecting myself.  Yet each time those girls were suspended, they still resumed their  verbal and physical harassment. Ian didn’t let the girls have all the fun, he too got in on the action.  He used his car to intimidate me.  That seems fair right?  Car verses 14 year old girl.  On a separate occasion he called me a Nigger in my friends house and told me to get the fuck out.

NOTE:  Ian maintains that he had no knowledge of me being harassed or attacked by my peers.

At the age of 14 the relationship with my parents was bitter.  I was very hurt that my baby had died, and I was overwhelmed with the barrage of attacks.  I contemplated killing myself.  I had it all planned out.  I was going to take the gun in my house, walk into the woods, and shoot myself.  I couldn’t imagine another three and a half years of high school  being threatened, or continue living across the street from the  other physical threat.  At that point in my life I couldn’t see how my life could possibly improve.  What kept me from killing myself was my sister.  When my mother was diagnosed in the summer of 1982 with stage three cancer, they told her she only had five years to live.  I believed the doctors. My mothers time was limited, and I didn’t want my sister to be alone.  The second reason I chose to live was because my parents decided that since the school couldn’t protect me, then we would move. And when we moved, my life began to improve.

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